http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog daily 0.75 2016-08-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464071757741-U7E4OEH7B7WYTG5DTV5A/IMG_3575.JPG Second Beats http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/19/8192016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471633199378-P939UPWJONNCC3M88ABT/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/19/2016 Looking for some juicy hot takes about the Goddard school. Good...bad...real...ugly...powerful...dramatic...fearful...aggressive...evil...real stories https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471633138294-PGCU4ZGE3NIM4TWFEEOZ/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/19/2016 Every Friday is minor paperwork Friday! We gather all the little ones from the pre-K and have them file, sort, and write up our busy contracts. No time for stress in our offices, yee haw! http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/18/8182016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471558807620-MXW71PORRS4A2LNRANZC/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/18/2016 Hiring a tutor for my kids when their teacher can't come over. I have the FBI on the line as we speak and will require a full body cavity exam. Thank you! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471558734815-3ERXSG8JVPNJF6NG07K3/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/18/2016 Tired today Gonna go Home and probably Lay on My bed a Lot http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/17/8172016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-17 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471469587648-FY1YYI1N8UXX3ZG8YN4N/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/17/2016 Wow my receipt from CVS was made with ink and paper! It's so paper-esque :) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471469647543-A2SFJ9E7T3YB8QB9VKPD/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/17/2016 IS today Halloween?? I have no clue!! Thank you God bless. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/8162016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471383103735-93QM0MKXDNJ64Z4IKP7V/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/16/2016 Would like to immortalize how IRKED I am right now! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471383118609-CG2Y4PZ3YS4MV0XLFA0Y/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/16/2016 I NEED squirrels for my collection but the place in Belford only has crabs. Hell ASAP http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/8152016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471383064617-UQSQZT5GI3OJY4572NS7/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/15/2016 Classified ads be damned, I need me a real job through social media https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471383034119-RJUWLGG5U5G53XHGDPTX/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/15/2016 Thinking of asking for the big divorce today, or should I wait til the weekend?? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/8142016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471382930719-N9RJ6VVBKBV3ORNBISA3/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/14/2016 Guy: This cup is filled with toxic acidic acid I demand a refund!! Barista: Sir that is a cup of black coffee https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471382959426-XNAQ3QW4AK75CJEWEX7R/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/14/2016 Cop: Ma'am you were doing 80 in a 35 zone Lady: I was on my way to the favorite lunch spot Cop: I'll drive http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/8132016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471382887774-LQ30U03266GUBAGMIOY9/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/13/2016 Dad got a free trip to Satanic Murder Island.. Anyone tell me WHY this place is so unpopular? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471381720858-B5S76SEZA41LUVQKVQ76/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/13/2016 Ate my favorite type of bagel (plain) this morning, this is surreal. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/8122016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367701901-Z36OXXGGJJAHCVEX2AG8/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/12/2016 lmao my 2 month old was hungry and I forgot to buy him formula because uh gross lmao https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367723454-JU6DB3S64SKJEMA8R4GX/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/12/2016 Need a solid weed dealer for my nephew. What is everyone's experience with Spanky McDanky? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/8112016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367601307-HWHITMMDFP2UH7FAOBAM/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/11/2016 So proud of Tiff for lying to her calc professor for free food, thatta girl https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367653938-23SP42U3VELQOJ7JGB1I/Image-2+%284%29.jpg Second Beats - 8/11/2016 Dollar Tree is slashing their prices on all plastic bins and paper clips. 50 cents! Just mention "Facebook" and wink at checkout and you'll be setting the tar down on easy street. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/8102016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367481796-PYRVUEM6VN8UJUK1VFPC/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/10/2016 Bahaha I just held up the liquor store ugh so pathetic https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367538844-WOP4UCSC46LV2ODEY3MS/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/10/2016 I refuse to donate unless I can get it all done in one place for convenience. Very inconsiderate of the poor otherwise. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/892016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367312182-0MIO42J1PR6KUDJMSDOF/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/9/2016 Ugh murder charges. Lawyer told me there's nothing she can do for me lol https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367382013-DVUW9ISG4NL2PVQZQMQG/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/9/2016 House still needs doors installed. Anyone pleased with their door specialists? Got too many raccoons in the foyer. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/882016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367182455-ANPCD41IHNNBQ20HJBEK/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/8/2016 Twitter is now on life support but will remain a vegetable for the rest of its life lol https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367233255-UFHURTRDSFJWLDAQTT2Y/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/8/2016 Doctor told me I need to speak my mind more often. I think I'll get a salad for lunch!!! Last night's "Housewives" was very good!!! I'm going to get more Diet Coke!!! http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/872016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367060992-V0WHGJM5KAN4V36JIGLE/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/7/2016 Jesus my mom had me hold a tourniquet up to my shattered ankle and it didn't even bleed for that long before I blacked out https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471367114857-W5LBO48NWMXXSTSG1V65/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/7/2016 Everyone please be safe and consider rolling on Molly on their drive home, the cops will never know. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/862016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471366981733-3GH9CMF09VBK6Q81SQQP/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/6/2016 Need a public transport system but refuse to pay for busses, trains, taxis, or ferries thank you. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471366938986-H12U2CRXTWVMRQSS27MS/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/6/2016 Hurricane Katrina thinks she's hot shit but she is not fucking cute. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/852016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471366848684-LDH2QODFV9NJDGMRTEAP/Image-8.jpg Second Beats - 8/5/2016 Cars keep driving on our road, can anyone explain? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471366785407-34RRQDWAQTEBW9DCZSCK/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/5/2016 I don't know if I died and went to hell or if this is just adulthood. Welcome to reality, self. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/16/842016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471366721338-M7TJEU6QQA62O4KWE9FP/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/4/2016 Looking for a surrogate mother for our unborn embryo, any moms out there who aren't complete drama queens about custody? Having such a struggle!! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1471366684038-8JTWFE8TOQQNU8QYZ0BC/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/4/2016 Forgot to manually breathe again and swallow lol oops guess I'm brain damaged nowww http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/3/832016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470262396179-ZQG2I4XWHAHIH1FTCTLJ/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/3/2016 Need help finding a GOOD all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet with a GOOD cocktail sauce selection. Not willing to relocate. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470262329646-6MVMJFHE7FJHJJQ2NCF3/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/3/2016 So sick of walking around the methadone clinic on 8th Ave only to get drug offers left and right!! http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/3/822016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470262175855-YZJK23I5RG0WDJENVMCW/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/2/2016 Excuse me? You'd be "happy" in this marketing position? How dare you LEAD BUZZFEED ON this interview is OVER!! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470262207588-QBECSQCGLAG5K11A8YL4/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/2/2016 Was curious about the history of Shop Rite, assume there's Mr. Shop Rite and his Shop Rite wife and babies down the line? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/3/812016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470262099553-59HF1PFXQ9JVFGUBO4AR/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/1/2016 Scrubbing up and I'm already waiting for the "but my white blood cells are multiplying rapidly" excuse from my patients this week https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470262125300-CWK0GXFRZC4DKV77NAS1/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 8/1/2016 Found a corpse in my Accord this morning. Hoping this Gram filter will help the cops ID the body faster http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/3/7312016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470262046970-KLE4VXK9LJFHGAC9FUXX/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/31/2016 Really wish there was a part of the week dedicated to relaxing and recovery smh http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/3/7302016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470261925732-IFIY8FQPKSJ3PJA1WQWH/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/30/2016 Don't even get me started on that got damn Christmas season in this bitch because it's jolly asf .. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470261953247-5QIH5TOGNF5BY6KI65Y3/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/30/2016 Folks this is real, the backyard transformed into an Arctic tundra right before my eyes. Didn't get a picture but please find this reference. Was a good 5-10 degrees. Much colder than the summer warmth usually in my yard. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/8/3/7292016 monthly 0.5 2016-08-03 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470261822492-M5SWBHFLRIKFUB9Z3O5Y/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/29/2016 Working in a septic tank is tough but don't let that fool you, the world is full of literal shit and I know you wish you didn't know but now you do https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1470261867745-HCR2A56FQTE5D1BM71WE/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/29/2016 "Honey they're back" "They?" "They're doing work to the old Pathmark" "Our saviors won't let us down this time" (They embrace) http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/28/7282016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469712650885-2SATAQZAEHDVNK85NFLH/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/28/2016 Yesterday was Wodnesday but I don't think it counts because that's not a real day :( https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469712670040-CGES4SNYMR7O5O2XHB00/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/28/2016 Tragic news continues out of Banana Republic as the 40 mannequins who ran away from home are still MIA   http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/28/7272016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469712610605-SVII6X8XL187TLZRXKK6/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/27/2016 Got 40 acres of rain forest I need gutted if anyone wants to make this a monthly thing. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469712586335-PLCS6VP0QFA9XUV706GI/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/27/2016 Ironing my favorite disgusting sweater in hopes that it appears clean. Why would I was it first? It just has to APPEAR clean. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7262016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571543130-ZZFZMUVU9UDS9I8L7JFC/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/26/2016 @RAZ0RFIST Still waiting to hear back from the Crypt Keeper as he always knows how to make me feel a-okay. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571568267-8VNPSX3PMAVXAL8Z7W4R/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/26/2016 Yesterday Redhill Rd was open. Day before then too. Today it's not. Thanks a lot Liberals. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7252016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571496969-AN0819X9LTZSCSCCPBFK/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/25/2016 In need of a great judge for a restraining order please!!! Any personal experiences would be great! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571474694-MFZ7RG40SZ1NSN7EPKEB/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/25/2016 :( got too much positive reinforcement from the boss again NOW I JUST WANNA DO MORE WORK http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7242016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571427121-8FHFDIJC0GI2KS93XOM3/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/24/2016 woooooow sorry you gave me your password and then didn't want me uploading your nudes?? now you have a problem with me???? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571442896-CI4P1ZLBXNU639IY5RD5/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/24/2016 Getting this damn brain tumor zapped off next month so any quick thinking Yahoo Questions users got last minute advice? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7232016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571373110-NKV0XSRU6XY32VAG4I50/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/23/2016 Meanwhile my buddy who always roots for ISIS is having a great 2016! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571388737-UFU9OC2GVVTL26JF6JLH/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/23/2016 My phone has been off the goddamn hook all day and my guests are outraged that I have yet to chaperone them to an Italian Ice spot. What gives?? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7222016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571349182-G89XAY7QAPCP3LR38U4K/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/22/2016 Need a new Pizza Hut. Was using the Pizza Hut on 35 but now that she closed I need a new Pizza Hut!!!! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571334563-JPH2IQX5XB3LGMFLQWEX/Image-2+%288%29.jpg Second Beats - 7/22/2016 Doctor I had the nightmare again about having shitty taste in music and wanting to be a part of that world. Yes more drugs PLEASE. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7212016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571290833-BYTU8GTGVWGEJXL2RNM4/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/21/2016 Got home and immediately broke down the bathroom door and jongdae was in there shitting and it was the first thing I saw :) :) call 911 :) :) :) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571305439-QCJB1FIWCU1NZ898V4D3/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/21/2016 Lookin for a good slabman to install some slab mattresses, slab tires, slab water cooler, and slab tombstones asap http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7202016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571177396-9N46MDJWOEZFD814LREH/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/20/2016 I just want to grow up and become a bottle of wine. Ya know? Tomorrow I'll be older and thus slightly better (like, with age?). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571200753-YI3KESU945YQCID7Y8JD/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/20/2016 Looking to ruin my vacation by bringing a 9 month old and cooking all day. Somewhere tropical and expensive would be nice? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7192016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571138551-43O9GUR2J197DRQLPBHK/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/19/2016 Need a tiny job on my living room. Tornado ripped right through it and I'd like the room to come back before some wild animals get any funny ideas. Thanks in advance. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571098582-SOLJUISFNTRM6NEBAMB5/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/19/2016 TRYING TO FIND A MAN IN THIS CITY BUT NONE DO THE TRICK *sexy man walks by* MY LOVE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED. GOODBYE. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7182016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571057908-DGDETR95WW92Q5IQFZS3/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/18/2016 Pulling my children out of the public school system until they can respect America with glass shields for all flags. Preferably bulletproof. Smh   https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571038997-1E0GZVFJJBNMYU85WHYA/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/18/2016 Hey folks just announcing that all of my tweets will be accidental high text messages moving forward, thanks! http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7172016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570990008-3UUVPUN69JI4LQEG0KRO/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/17/2016 Going to Chilis tomorrow and I can't believe it holy shit I've been looking forward to this but then it's STRAIGHT to bed!! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469571008285-BGM31T2MOGAKMM1G90FL/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/17/2016 Looking to enforce the importance of sports onto my daughter ASAP. She will be five in October. Please help thank you. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7162016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570944420-RW3LTF74T0WPGS2N6XLR/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/16/2016 Trying to turn my cousin into a drug mule ;) my aunt says I can "load him up" tomorrow (: https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570960988-ICB76GHKPBYLCZTZM2FJ/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/16/2016 We got all your favorite burnouts from high school competing in the GREATEST hackisack tournament you will ever see. Come see Chad Stanton kick the sack one more time before his life sentence begins!   http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7152016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570913328-AVL3V53KVLDKKQ2P3LCI/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/15/2016 To the ass hole who broke into my condo and stole my collection of stamps .. There's a lock on my door for a reason. You don't like it then hold up The post office with a big Greenish shotgun https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570898199-U3IIPA8QUGCZECW280CA/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/15/2016 Trump may be drunk with power and our constant police state is terrifying 24/7 but guess who bought Target's last copy of How I Met Your Mother on DVD today :) http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7142016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570866778-DAOMYXRFX08UH4E75CWH/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/14/2016 Playing a classic trick on the bride and I need 4 bridesmaid dresses with giant dicks sewn to the front ASAP thank you https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570853139-Z872N1G8RIQ4F6PE2H9T/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/14/2016 Fucking scorched at the fact that my prosthetic toes are still "in transit" Jesus http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7132016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570789204-6Z8EZXXLIGWO43OXY42D/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/13/2016 "Doctor you need to make the incision now" "Ugh I will soon I proooomise" https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570812674-D7RI89D47AV6ADFU30SH/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/13/2016 Dan and Shannon, congratulations on your beautiful wedding day. I know you requested "generous donations to The Red Cross" in leui of gifts, but I think you're gonna like this five-gallon jug of unfiltered local honey I picked up right off the turnpike!   http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7122016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570746663-77CJM18FZWEUNWNFMKKN/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/12/2016 A butcher stabbed at my abdomen today, just to see if I was wearing a bulletproof vest #wenevergooutofstyle #iwasnt https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570760027-U0IGDLVJ70YACBBNZAUU/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/12/2016 Shouldn't have procrastinated this, can anyone suggest a funeral home?? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/26/7112016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570711644-6HFLLZ9JG2YCJ2O93R9O/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/11/2016 Never got into T-ball in my youth, looking for a adult class if anyone has any leads https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1469570678790-54VUZQM6WCL19LBENHSN/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/11/2016 Hahahaha mom walked all the way down the street and into another family's house because she thought it was hers. So cute love her. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/10/7102016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-10 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1468177615026-B1RWRYFIDD6WCK6RUX97/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/10/2016 WHY DO FLIES THINK ITS OKAY TO FUCK WITH MY GARBAGE PILES???? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1468177637944-TA4WEKYJ3YJO2DRPIX3P/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/10/2016 Heart attack this morning, they say it's gonna be a long healing process. Guess I'm pulling the life support out! http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/10/792016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-10 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1468177424347-CFI60B93QJPF6WY9V4IO/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/9/2016 Got a nasty cut on my forehead and dirt keeps getting in it. No matter how much I avoid the dirt.help. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1468176888784-4A8CR22K17S0XOY9YC7B/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/9/2016 It's so boring being paralyzed from the neck down and being immobile http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/8/782016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-08 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1468014248549-DXJXYKP9X5EOUBYDPAPA/image-asset.png Second Beats - 7/8/2016 "Hello I refuse to pay this dinner bill" "Sir you have to pay for your Wild Wings" "I live in a house that's on the slab" "My apologies sir I didn't realize you were royalty" https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1468014199515-YQ9AOWEWKVAE5LCJQ13X/image-asset.png Second Beats - 7/8/2016 Finally went to a funeral and omg it was so fucking sad http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/7/772016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-07 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467898965515-V74DR6UTFCAMFV501IYP/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/7/2016 Okay im waking up https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467899226823-FV74S1LGR43P9W6US1YA/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/7/2016 Interested in trying coffee from Jansen & Son's soon. I know everyone shops there, what's the very best creamer to use? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/762016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844974968-BLD3D9WPT13X66DUWPER/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/6/2016 Who else feels worthless? I know it's not just me! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844902680-E338X52TW5IILL0MJDJ9/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/6/2016 It's #Ramadan and I work with a bunch of Catholics... I hope I don't get called a Muslim just for celebrating a holiday... (I will) http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/752016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844865771-YPFG5CMSBVOV6Z40MHYX/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/5/2016 Someone know if my smart grandparents are awake or alive? Lookin to get some homemade cookies and I think they have it at their home. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844825307-R0FO9L05N4H2CNF16PDE/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/5/2016 Make a baby in silence, let it be your noise ;) http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/742016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844772355-Y4EZ72SSVUP30WWIG54P/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/4/2016 Tryin to go to Fantasies tomorrow after work for a little fun, why is their strip club web site not posting hours, I know it is there somewhere but can't locate where....TYIA https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844716414-Q4SCJUL4XHQG9AKRKUFP/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/4/2016 honestly over this diarrhea smh http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/732016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844489432-AHNB0A2QZ2QTVU63NJ33/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/3/2016 Need a replacement bouncy house water heater, bouncy house grout retouch, and bouncy house insurance coverage for a family of 4. Please pm me.   https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844444437-1EM8XLJC99FD2YUPDLSQ/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/3/2016 Social justice and world peace be damned because my cousin Chris is higher than a kite and it's the best experience that I'll ever have in my life http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/722016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844415195-7DDKEYSZI63815QE2ZZO/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/2/2016 I want to thank New England for their beautiful display of Patriots. I would also like to thank Mel Gibson for his display of "The Patriot". I'm sure it's a Catch-22 for him because of how many Jewish people worked on the film. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844400256-RHAXPH8BP3G4F5HZG4Y5/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/2/2016 Fucking can't stand when I have so much in my bank account that I'm too comfortable http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/712016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844379719-1WUOP44OX75YJGJN3B3Z/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/1/2016 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844326401-7IR715EGIUUC5SGMWKZD/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/1/2016 Selling gorgeous bathroom tiles. $25 for 4. Only partially stained. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844312125-I5IKW351ABQ91TK83C55/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 7/1/2016 Reminiscing on the days when I had lockjaw :( http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/6302016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844250483-YMI8UABOWDB7ZMEFSI91/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/30/2016 I may not speak much but let me tell you about my theory that eating an entire wedding cake by yourself is okay https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844280429-TRJUEZQ3EQ059QD29805/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/30/2016 Selling unopened bottles of aspirin. $15 for all! $15 value! You can trust me. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/6292016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844198461-KUI0RA1G9LHW7ACOD9US/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/29/2016 Death was such a bitch I swear to god I never wanna die like that again... Ever. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844215772-9ILL8SH7M1TW8MZCUVRM/Image-8.jpg Second Beats - 6/29/2016 Not sure what to do with all the acrylics I've painted over the years. I'm done with them. Downsizing and have a lack of common sense. To the dump? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/6282016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844078317-H7GASP3W82A7BMJNUGVT/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/28/2016 Happy hump day I've been drinking all day to celebrate https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844099683-3G2A00HAKU0A18VQI1XF/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/28/2016 Woody and sons newborn compact carrying case. in keyport, nj. $200 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844173711-VJC3IWT7J9HYQPILY98F/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/28/2016 http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/6272016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844047299-SKVN7TXMWMLM42CCON86/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/27/2016 The revolution is among us, brethren! We must fight in the name of Middletown. Middletown is without power? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467844017393-2NI7PNHXQIVNCELREOA2/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/27/2016 I truly don't know where I am, but I'm going to keep drinking until I find my way. Now where can I fill up my tank? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/6262016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467843978680-5GYRBR35K1BBRBENPNP7/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/26/2016 Not sure how to get running water to and from my house, suggestions? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467843915673-SCD2KRS3GV5TZXD1XXT8/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/26/2016 Christmas morning is better in a house http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/6252016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467843651850-97YI7YT5PV4HUWBLJDIG/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/25/2016 The wedding reception is about to be a cluster bc of the electric slide https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467843874378-7K5B4UPD41NC1H0K1J6Q/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/25/2016 Lookin for an exorcist. Any help would be great. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/6242016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467843626680-IFDCPJ1EQZJ3PL6YICRO/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/24/2016 Who knows a good place to buy Chanel products and motor oil....don't tell me what I don't wanna hear....thanks! happy 5th! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467843612310-O2E9UYLRKOPML4Y0E9XN/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/24/2016 I luv being an 18 month old Bc diapers :) http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/6232016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467843564953-HG6YCEABN6YOMQBSWRCF/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/23/2016 Donuts are my LEAST favorite food, but Krispy Kreme is pretty good. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467843584485-6R9YDZG2EXC8KIRAVUSY/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/23/2016 Hello we are new to the fallout shelter. Interested in joining a faction, but we aren't sure which one will create the strongest uprising. Any recommendations? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/6/6222016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467843537177-YUAL7QV2JR8HP2PNWCFF/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/22/2016 PEOPLE why must we set up Christmas lights?? My 2 year old thinks homes are on fire and my dogs are shaking like CRAZY. TYIA https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467843458693-O05IN5BZA9O6N77OIW9D/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/22/2016 Hey guys I'm an architect looking for undiscovered bones/civilizations if you know of any, no style preferred http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6212016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758593281-48P7SK81A32XK73WWBUL/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/21/2016 Been blasting the sound of white noise while sticking my face up against a functioning microwave for an hour now; this night is crazy https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758673070-E0NONX2RSI57RTC0NVI0/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/21/2016 Found a few teenagers hanging out in the street at 10am. Doesn't look good, who can I call about euthanizing these little scamps? Picture of teens can be found on Snapchat. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6202016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758527847-W741T5Y6RUE6PPXWNMMY/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/20/2016 Well I WAS gonna plan a road trip to Saturn but then I walked home and looked up at the sky's meteor shower/stars HAHAHAHA NEVERMIND #earth https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758548282-IU3Y7K04SNH071IW4UML/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/20/2016 ER or walk-in for eppy pen?? (please hurry) http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6192016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758399934-168Y4YTX279K884GG9L5/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/19/2016 Literally nothing worse than coffee with cream when you ask for 2%. Thanks Perkins. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758492409-YIFWIIDH2SXC75QK5178/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/19/2016 Home invasion really? Hey robbers in my dining room....knock it off. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6182016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758348813-4RLAJ82PKH1QQQVPLJNJ/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/18/2016 If you support drunk driving, I hear TGI Friday's has a big fat parking lot for your death mobile. If you don't, take the kids to a park. What do you mean you don't have kids? Take them outside and PLAY! Happy Father's Day to every single male in this town! You're all fathers! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758327087-F2IYI2USIYSGHB7LV7P1/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/18/2016 Ate an entire cheesecake I haven't had in a while, now I'm sitting on the toilet listening to rain and indigestion. perfect :D http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6172016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758253288-ZZA93AMKA15BB5PQ1EV2/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/17/2016 Bench pressed a living, breathing hippopotamus tonight, hoping it knocks me out :) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758273242-NK4R6BZ5W3FNRLUD4GZ2/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/17/2016 "Kids, for show and tell today we're going to go out to the parking lot and admire Miss Sydney's Lexus" "Miss Sydney, my mom says you're the victim of a pyramid scheme" "Greg, tell your mother that the only shiny white trophy she'll ever know is her own reflection in a glass of chardonnay" http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6162016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758106985-BYDHIMYOJC5CICRYKVAB/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/16/2016 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758053070-UKHO7UFFWCTQGG5MR1B4/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/16/2016 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758132527-BFXMULEGMMOKHZ0AKIAX/Image-7.jpg Second Beats - 6/16/2016 Wanna thank everyone for their support via Facebook as Mikey has just accepted a full scholarship to Pigdog Surf Academy where he will be focusing on Waves with a minor in Puppy Bacon http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6152016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757990027-KD7ZBNJL01A74DCQ5X1E/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/15/2016 Got arrested for holding up the liquor store again and Im not even surprised https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467758007739-NAQ7V85BOHGCKQ6UI6YK/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/15/2016 "Hi, you want to set up a tattoo appointment?" "Tattoo artist who comes to the houses" "What" http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6142016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757764074-TYCD2S10VX02H1KXUPLG/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/14/2016 Be safe handling those test tubes full of chlamydia, but have fun tossing them around ;) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757815615-9M121IFUJFORIVAN70XQ/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/14/2016 Got a carbon dioxide leak in my home. Don't wanna deal with National Grid, anyone on Facebook feel the same? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6132016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757723659-A02YUYONB6B4JHLSTELB/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/13/2016 Selling a half eaten birthday cake for a 21 year old Becky (she passed from alcohol poisoning) any takers please DM me. Can also reverse candles for a 12 year old Becky. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757704195-XN4G39I5TF0KHPEO4R9A/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/13/2016 anal bleaching double date anyone? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6122016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757663735-4V6G3ZXIGSLPC5DBNKA7/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/12/2016 Looking for a good library to rent Homeland season 2 dvd, anyone with leads please tell me more about yourself. Who are you? What do you want? TYIA https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757647178-SST7CDBHOMDIYW55SN94/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/12/2016 all my pals r in minimum security & I'm stuck in solitary and genuinely bummed about it http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6112016 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757592277-V4F8E0MA0FQPVGKOV1VA/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/11/2016 These tax reduction forms are literally murder. Property taxes are for suckers. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757610907-XUODSPRZX3D3FZIX5WR0/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/11/2016 I'm so sad to see adults participating in alcohol :o( I would love to volunteer to help reinstate prohibition to save our wonderful community ;o( http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/7/5/6102016-1 monthly 0.5 2016-07-05 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757373125-7MM62AEPIO4RFO4T0I2X/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/10/2016 Who said "mass hysteria" would be a funny good time?? Hello https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1467757262277-TE3M23XZOTW25XCTKDEE/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/10/2016 I'm looking for a catering service that specializes in flies, crickets, and heat lamps ;) http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/9/692016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465514065311-HWA0PR0M7XZTDB2TBNPC/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/9/2016 I just want to give a shout out to the talented Chipotle workers, and for all the women out there making my badass margaritas! #ThankfulThursday https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465514148941-KEFZAHB2G0H6DGV2AT5R/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/9/2016 Trying to get a handjob http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/9/682016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465513803110-MTDYIDEJ0OD8A0GGDFBL/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/8/2016 They are discussing #RochelleRochelle on Seinfeld right now. A film. In a TV show. #WhatAWorld https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465513882637-PH3QEYTLU5XAKVW716I3/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/8/2016 Jeez is my face red! I just adopted 70 iguanas and we are desperately looking for a desert for the iguanas to live in full time. It would have to be close to New Jersey because I can't take my iguanas on the plane (remember, they're iguanas). We already turned down 2 NYC boros and the Botanical Gardens all said "get out before I call Animal Control". Any other advice? Thx! http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/9/672016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465513644840-YMDJL0EYOHSBJLTXVR8D/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/7/2016 So sick of you people complaining about government surveillance!! This world is growing, there are going to be eyes on all of us, people! Things never stay the same, four legs good but two legs are BETTER! So stop fighting every single change and open your lives to big brother! I get that privacy and human decency used to be a thing, but it isn't anymore, it's gone and 1984 is a beautiful reality we live in! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465513575990-YBGE0KMA1081T4QL4VB8/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/7/2016 When you're in a hospital so packed you're literally holding in your entrails and can't see anything, you know it's gonna be good. #YikesMyLiver #ZikaRising http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/9/662016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465513322904-T8949FKZ7NEC08FGP7Z1/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/6/2016 Very very angry at the #NickelodeonKidsChoiceAwards because they've been ignoring the #FanFiction I've been writing about Danny Tamberelli and #KenanThompson says for me to stop. Well let's see how they enjoy my latest manuscript. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465513450987-0PKQZ15RTEJ7VI5DLW6Z/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/6/2016 Hey Facebook, looking to get into a cult this time of year. I'm home from college, and I have a car and lots of time and blood to spill for a good cause. I graduated BCC in 2011 and I am very hardworking and also a virgin. Thanks. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/9/652016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465513290564-FASWIHEEPZG6DZ1WH22N/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/5/2016 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465512900845-0UQ2TXGX1Y278ZXVSZ09/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/5/2016 It is the 57th anniversary of @BobDylan graduating from Hibbing High School in Minnesota! and TY to his predecessors, Mozart and Louie Armstrong, who fought for tunes, musics, funky beats & hot jingles #MusicGraduates https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465513109518-RFB0OLIJ78IVWQB3HLVO/FullSizeRender_6.jpg Second Beats - 6/5/2016 We've got one little plastic pizza table. FREE. It is a regular size but please use pen for scale. PM me for intersection to meet. Need to be handed off ASAP please. http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/9/642016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465512825260-M0WKINQ8SKWW3JX1H82U/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/4/2016 Trying to go cheap on a used smoke detector. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465512705171-X7GX82FIXD7T252B3C8T/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/4/2016 I truly support the work @BestBuy teams are doing on my behalf at the Off-Nintendo negotiations. #WhereElseWillSunAndMoonBeAvailableTho http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/9/632016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465512323940-HFL9ZCXYCCSR4EC82G57/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/3/2016 Ice cream shops should honestly get their milk from dairy farms, not wild cows. Strings are attached. #JPEG16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465512534192-795ZDAQU5JANJ7YSVP00/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/3/2016 Has anyone seen the gunman with the AK47 covered in blood... purposely reloaded it on my street just to fire it down the down when I motioned for him to put the safety on for kids? http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/9/622016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465512191864-VR29KZ4VQC4TZEOMWFLX/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/2/2016 Bed Stuy buds! I'm looking for a charitable organization where I can donate my gently used embalming papers! Got some that I have no use of anymore, thanks in advance for your help! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1465512003756-E4W1K093E2G7QKP7C24O/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/2/2016 #ThankfulThursday Can't express how great you folks have truly made my psych ward fun, entertaining and full of happiness and love <3 love love love this new straight jacket http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/9/mama-mia monthly 0.5 2016-06-09 http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/2/612016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464897221783-A24VKI82YT6K4K3H9Q48/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/1/2016 Today is June 1st. Leave your stage 4 cancer in May. Have a positive mindset and just be better NOW! #BestLifeCoach https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464897277816-CCYS4IQL1FE3JUU2E2IE/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/1/2016 Attention to all the people who are reading this. Please do not use my toothbrush and tell my family or anyone in the universe that I believe in sharing toothbrushes, we give eachother oral hygene advice for x amount of years, had scheduled cleanings (while we never actually scheduled them) and even worse, trying to make the fake stories out of it in order to get even more oral hygene advice, water picks, mouthwash, floss, braces, or whatever. And to the people of the universe, you know I don't have that many teeth except the ones that are hanging from my gums (those are my actual teeth). I'm just not impressed and will not appreciate these teeth liars. Cavities on you! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464897249722-CUCMSN92LRWO1VBQ6C92/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/1/2016 Just want to give a CRAZY LOUD THANKS to every person who suggested Philips brand stool softener for 6 day irregularity. I got some for a party this weekend and it was well worth the money (the money that I paid, for the record)... all medium sized BMs. Farts were pleasant too! Highly highly suggest! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464897171712-I92BRKRZLQY2P559KWEQ/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 6/1/2016 Hey as long as you can forgive someone within 5 seconds of them wronging you then you're in the clear. Yes even if she's still in bed with him! #HumpDayWisdomWednesday http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/2/5312016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464896728684-7LG2O8LDSBK0N9BRRYHN/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/31/2016 Shopping at Whole Foods is the ultimate faith healer, restoring belief not only in oneself but dinner's possibilities #GlobalWholeFoodsMarketDay https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464896753260-H5EU7PHVDIF5WOKA5JD0/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/31/2016 "I've just posted a new blog: How the surface of Pluto got its peculiar polygonal shapes" "So this is how we're spending the wedding night?" https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464896878582-XOI8S970W1ZHG5EQOXZV/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/31/2016 Does anyone know how you can stop the US Government, from being thrown on your life and your rights? My neighbor NEVER breaks the law, and all I do is create propaganda! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464896924538-FRBU2I2WAHDSE4W23UBN/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/31/2016 SEE the wonder as a family purchases a NEW Ford Explorer because their Toyota Highlander BROKE DOWN. #Wow   http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/2/5302016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464896439627-AZBBC1UTHDWLM3ZB3AQY/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/30/2016 Cars that go from point A to point B #__AlwaysBlowsMyMin https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464896595839-6HSH4LMLB7CS3T2VAR30/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/30/2016 Lookin for a reliable meth lab please. I have lots of sudaphed and I need to turn it into meth (dealer is too expensive!) Thanks!! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464896523241-ECK3OBXU3MPWONAPNE3K/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/30/2016 Ugh it makes me disgusted that the schools want to teach children how to prepare and file taxes. Of course they should know it but they honestly should learn it on their goddamn own. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464896494047-1D6SQXJ12L35WGGWXPL5/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/30/2016 Drinkin some ice cold white milk and just catching up on YouTube clips of aircraft #accidents. What #BBMAs? lol http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/6/2/5292016 monthly 0.5 2016-06-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464896060626-UO3NR4YUSSRS3IWIDMTU/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/29/2016 UNBELIEVABLE: Wild animal enjoys food. Tune in at 11 for Obvious News Local Edition https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464896029883-0YLIMJJCC6KUXWUCUZNG/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/29/2016 Give birth to your newborn is my Middletown home, $10hr! Years of babies and proud parents served right in my shabby chic foyer https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464895988782-7F8M1ZD25RMEZWO8P850/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/29/2016 Excuse me but you're telling me I have to pay income taxes on both my wedding day AND the premiere day of The Muppets vs. Donald Trump?? Fuck I hate my life. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464895946110-LX3KZGCVD1QTEN8VHLR5/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/29/2016 "Arsenal just announced Xhaka will wear the no 29 jersey" "Tim we're at my uncle's funeral for fuck sake" http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/5/28/5282016 monthly 0.5 2016-05-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464465180391-XERAJ71QDF0USWMG7NRU/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/28/2016 Hey friends! In case I haven't told you through LinkedIn or email yet lol, I have a new career as an ice cream man! I prefer the term Sales Coordinator in Frozen Dairy Options. So for all of you who enjoy Frozen Dairy and don't have a Coordinator, I would welcome the opportunity to be your "ice cream guy". I would handle anything Good Humor or Häagen-Dazs for you and you would no longer have to hail an ice cream truck or go to a Cold Stone Creamery where they would treat you like a number. I would give you superior ice cream and take care of you personally. I work on an appointment basis so please contact me to set up your first ice cream screening! Check out the newly improved Choco Taco. This double chocolate layer will be the best one yet! Have a great holiday weekend and PLEASE EAT ICE CREAM! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464465073073-TCCR0XSR9UW3GKH281F1/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/28/2016 Hey cool it's #nationalicecubeday so I'm gonna make crushed ice and then tweet about it~ https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464465034855-7C8H1JLXTNLNKWML9ZLQ/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/28/2016 #ReasonsWarsFail He didn't #InvadeIraq https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464465138918-1QNKEZH9G0D9R7YA24TC/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/28/2016 Wondering why all the prisons around Newark are so secure and Newark gets ignored. The prison needs serious policing before someone gets shanked. #smh   http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/5/28/5272016 monthly 0.5 2016-05-28 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464464506242-AB11PUWL8L1TIE1MTTNU/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/27/2016 *At the birth of their first child* Oh shit lmfaoooo this #baby def caught #leprosy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) kwehkwehkweh.... Doctor: Nurse call security https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464464421075-XDKXKABP9D8WEN0AEO6R/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/27/2016 Nothing better than puppy cuddles and The Wendy Williams Show when "your" illegally crossing into Mexico to avoid those double murder charges :) #OnTheLamb #TeacherLife   https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464464652045-9BZBH6U72OP5MBUZ469G/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/27/2016 Love my pet raccoons! I know I know I post about them a little too much but they're so loving; today I woke up with an early Father's Day present from them: RHABDOVIRIDAE. #MyTanukisGaveMeRabies #Rabies   https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464464690393-FUKF6ZVQ1JHW3GP2QRZQ/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/27/2016 Looking for a vape shop that's clean an has modern flavors.. for vaping. Thank u!   http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/5/27/5262016 monthly 0.5 2016-05-27 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464329505418-SIB9897J3AGE4RSMSOTG/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/26/2016 You bet I have weekend plans buddy! Just going to wallow in melancholy while I recount the loved ones whom have passed from their time on earth. I just want to see them again. That's it. So yeah this kicks the garbage out of your hiking trip. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464329559339-SND1ZSR7HQ3VBUP8RSZO/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/26/2016 Omg stop I need to tweet this people NEED to know that I plan on doing literally the most useless act imaginable this weekend!! THEY DESERVE TO KNOW. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464329292759-OZK1LIYB51IGV9E9AEEY/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/26/2016 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464329343275-R4OI4C7Y66CHGFJ0OIOI/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/26/2016 On my big vacation in España! Completely forgot how to say "hospital" so I just showed the taxi driver the bullet hole in my shoulder ;) http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/5/25/5252016 monthly 0.5 2016-05-25 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464207279538-JZH80AF4KFIX3ZNU0LXD/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/25/2016 Wanted to celebrate my beautiful boy, Open Face. My boy is 21 today and is now a MAN and I am shocked at how he is no longer 90% human and 10% type of sandwich. #HappyBirthday <3 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464207333289-4ZNAJZRW0KOFYUVW6A4Z/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/25/2016 Fellate the flames only after you think of your fantasies #yogawife https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464207403992-S05K5AOYOCYEG7FSVSY8/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/25/2016 Please PLEASE listen! I know that it's May, but I just think we should all listen to "Deck the Halls" and know that you are loved! I have been in contact with the radio stations to make it global https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464207472397-FLPKIIUE3PJXAWOIMAQK/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/25/2016 Don't care who it is but someone's gotta perform surgery on my gums ASAP thank you in advance http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/5/24/5242016-1 monthly 0.5 2016-05-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464125876975-CLHZAXHSAWIDFRL8AD3F/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/24/2016 This reminds me of the one time I was flying from NYC to LA and someone screamed "there's a bomb on this plane" and my first instinct was to point at myself and mouth "me?" lol I'm so silly. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464125967550-T22AOYRG9A6B7BC32BLR/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/24/2016 Looking for a high-rated welding tech school for my 3 month old niece, thanks :) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464125992626-EF012V3GWCIJVB0MW1PH/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/24/2016 It dawned on me today when I looked down and saw the Starbucks in my hand. I was genuinely enjoying the Vanilla Bean Frap and the fact that my name was written on it. It was lunch break. I am so ashamed. Goodbye forever. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464125924533-25EFQD33OOZST1D953WM/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/24/2016 Men are simple beings that literally cannot comprehend emotions. I need to surround myself with robots ASAP. This morning I just walked into Third Ave because the stop light confused me too much. Bless.   http://www.alexdsimmons.com/blog/2016/5/23/5232016 monthly 0.5 2016-05-23 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/56898395dc5cb434c565c1d3/1464036946240-ZR4M329R824P6147CZQ6/image-asset.jpeg Second Beats - 5/23/2016 Ugh honestly 9/11 was probably an inside job and I believe Edward Snowden is massively underrepresented in the modern media by the government but for real I just don't understand why some Applebee's are decorated with the local school districts. 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